Another Day, Another Gay Slur

Told you. Okay, so mark it down--two days in a row. We're keeping track now.

Same dear friend. Who I love. I know absolutely for certain that if she had any idea how it's like a kick to the stomach....she would restrain herself. But it just came out so casually.

Simply this. She is just passing along the information that her 7th grade son doesn't like a certain teacher because, are you ready? You can finish the sentence, right?

He's weird....I think he's gay.

Right. Those two words always go together.

How do we make it stop?!

Henri Nouwen, My New Favorite

Oh what a gift. I'm convinced that my discovery of him was not by chance.

I am always in search of new authors, especially Christian authors. And by new I mean new to me. I had read his name somewhere--under a quote most likely--and I was intrigued. So I added him to my list of authors to be on the lookout for when I go to Half-Priced Books. But before I even had a chance to search, would you believe I saw one of his books lying right in front of my face, in a friend's house! Ahh! I gasped and grabbed it up and held it to my heart. (I'm dramatic like that). My friend said to go ahead and take it, that it had been her father-in-law's, and I could tell by the way she talked that neither she nor her husband had ever read it. What?! This treasure....just sitting here. Well, I'm sure God arranged the whole thing just for me because He loves me that way. Honestly, God is so nice to me.

So the title of the book? The Return of the Prodigal Son. That in itself is profound, is it not? I mean, think about it! So I began to read it right away. Ohhhh how I love this book. Probably at the tippy top of my list of all-time favs. And I have a lot of favs. I need to re-read it now because it has been over a year and the memory has faded.

So just as I always do when I find an author I'm impressed with, I research the author himself (or herself). Turns out....Henri was a celibate gay. A tortured soul, but a soul who loved God deeply.

See what I mean about not being coincidence?

So then I started looking for more of his books. So far I've read The Wounded Healer, Reaching Out, and I've read Michael O'Laughlin's bio of him.

Now I'm reading his diary from his final year. Called Sabbatical Journey. I bought it in August and his first entry was September 3rd, so I saved it so I could read it as a daily devotional. Here is his entry from yesterday:

Friday, September 29

Andrew Sullivan's new book, Virtually Normal: An Argument about Homosexuality, is one of the most intelligent and convincing pleas for complete social acceptance of homosexuality I have ever read.

Andrew Sullivan is a Catholic. He is just as open about being a Catholic as about being a homosexual. From his writing it becomes clear that he is not only a Catholic but also a deeply committed Catholic who takes his church's teachings quite seriously. That makes his discussion of the church's attitude toward homosexuality very compelling.

My own thoughts and emotions around this subject are very conflicted. Years of Catholic education and seminary training have caused me to internalize the Catholic Church's position. Still, my emotional development and my friendships with many homosexual people, as well as the recent literature on the subject, have raised many questions for me.

Yes. So many questions.

I used to be afraid to read the perspectives of people who believe differently from me. But not anymore. I want to be educated on this subject. I don't want to be like most Christians who believe what they believe just because it's what they've always believed because, usually, it's what they've been told from the pulpit.

And I agree and can see the point that modern translations of the Bible may not accurately portray God's total heart on any given subject. I agree that reading in context is vital and that the culture in which it was written has to be taken into account on subjects such as this one. I know my Bible quite well for a lay person. I read it every day and have for years. I am well aware what it says on the subject of homosexuality. And I'm also quite aware of what it doesn't say.

One thing I know for sure is that God does not hate gay people. There are some people he was truly angry with and other behaviors that he hates but homosexuality doesn't even make the list! God hates idolatry. And pride. And injustice.

Well that is the topic for a whole other blog post. So I'll end this one here.

Can I Get Through Just One Day Without This?

It happened again. I'm going to keep track now, for real because this is crazy. I think I'll chart it and include it in my book. Or whatever.

Is it possible to make it through a day without hearing a joke about homosexuality, gay wisecrack or innuendo?

This woman--a friend who is dear to me-- meant no harm. Ninety-nine percent of people mean no harm, I'm sure. It's just our culture. And typical human behavior. We make fun of what is different from us. I'm hypothesizing here but I think that prior to the 1990s, maybe the 1980s, the subject was shocking and taboo. But now.....not only are we talking about it (I know I exaggerate when I say incessantly, but allow me a little hyperbole here) we apparently think it's hilarious. That is, it's hilarious if it's some gay stranger, or if someone straight we know does something gay-ish.

The specifics don't matter, but today something different happened. Maybe it's a turning point.

At least two of the other three women in the group of which I was a part knows that my son is gay. I've confided in them how this subject hurts me. Obviously, the offender had momentarily forgotten. After she told her "funny husband story" which had to do with something gay-like he had done, there was not the expected laughter, just what seemed to me to be a few polite chuckles. Then the friend sitting closest to me--the one to whom I confided most recently--turned to me and segued pretty smoothly to something similar her son had done (only it was matter of fact and not shaded with gay humor). I'm pretty sure this was purposeful on her part (bless her). She's a merciful people-person and I believe she wanted to: a) save me from more pain, and b) save the offender the embarrassment of feeling like she'd stuck her foot in her mouth. Anyway, I was grateful that the usual guffaws did not ensue.

I guess I felt a little sorry to be a killjoy.

Not really. I think people really do need to be more sensitive and careful, including me. I am definitely guilty here myself. Maybe that's one purpose I have. To bring to at least a few the awareness that there are hurting hearts all around.

So be careful little lips what you say.