Books of Devotion

I don't know what I'd do without my books. My many devotional books. In addition to my NLT Daily Walk Bible I have Brennan Manning's Reflections for Ragamuffins (definitely a Ragamuffin here), Streams in the Desert (which is the greatest, classic daily devotional for someone who is grieving) and Henri Nouwen's Sabbatical Journey (his last diary, but I'm using for a devotional). I have collected many others over the years but Brennan Manning, Mrs. Charles Cowman, and Oswald Chambers are my all-time favs. So far. Oh, and Charles Spurgeon, love him too.

There's my short list, lol. My daughter Sarah kinda makes fun of me because I love lists. But who doesn't love lists?

Met Needs--A Wonderful Thing.

I made homemade soup today. My own conglomeration of a few different recipes. It started out as potato soup, then on to chowder. Potato and corn chowder.

Threw in some thyme and hot pepper flakes.

Mmmm, yeah, and then cheese on top and some crispy rice noodles.

Gotta have some homemade wheatberry bread to go with that soup.

Now, something sweet. Chocolate chip cookies....but wait I don't have enough semi-sweet morsels.

Not a problem. I'll just chop up these semi-sweet Baker's squares. And some pecans.

And a glass of milk.

Yeah.

Now...checking up on some bloggers I love.

And I discover a new website, pretty much by pure chance.

Or a divine gift.

It's what I've been looking for for months and months in my quest to figure out.....what to do. What to think. What to believe.

Somebody who knows how I feel. I knew there had to be somebody else out there who can understand what I'm going through.

I've been grieving, I even described it that way recently to a friend. I've tried to not feel it. It feels terrible, and who has time for anything that makes you feel terrible. But today when I read this new (to me) blog .... it said to go ahead and grieve. That it's normal when you've found out your child is gay. And it expressed what I've needed to hear.

It's been a good day. Maybe things will start looking up now.

God is Neither on the Right nor the Left

I hate the "us vs. them" mentality. And it's everywhere. Everyday.

Republicans vs. Democrats. Conservatives vs. Liberals. Blacks vs. Whites. Pro-Choicers vs. Pro-Lifers. Straights vs. Gays. And on and on it goes.

It wearies me.

I like what Brennan Manning has to say, specifically with regard to religious and political disparities:

Homophobia and racism are among the most serious and vexing moral issues of this generation, and both church and society seem to limit us to polarized options.

The anything-goes morality of the religious and political Left is matched by the sanctimonious moralism of the religious and political Right. Uncritical acceptance of any party line is an idolatrous abdication of one's core identity as Abba's child. Neither liberal fairy dust nor conservative hardball addresses human dignity, which is often dressed in rags.

Abba's children find a third option. They are guided by God's Word and by it alone. (I would disagree a bit here by saying I'm also guided by the Holy Spirit.) All religious and political systems, Right and Left alike, are the work of human beings. Abba's children will not sell their birthright for any mess of pottage, conservative or liberal. They hold fast to their freedom in Christ to live the gospel--uncontaminated by cultural dreck and political flotsam, and the filigreed hypocrisies of bullying religion. Those who are bent on handing gays over to the torturers can lay no claim to moral authority over Abba's children. Jesus saw such shadowed figures as the corrupters of the essential nature of religion in his time. Such exclusive and divisive religion is a trackless place, Eden overgrown, a church in which people experience lonely spiritual alienation from their best human instincts.

--Brennan Manning, Reflections for Ragamuffins

Why must we all be against one another? Doesn't God say that it is not people (flesh and blood) that we fight (wrestle) against? We obviously don't take that seriously. Just look around--behold all the division!

How sad. How grievous. What a waste of time and energy.

I know. I'm being a Pollyanna, not realistic. Sure, I can see that. I realize there will be no peace on earth until the Lord's return. But can't we try to pull in the reigns a bit and try to be a little less judgmental? A little less defensive? A little less tense? A little less patronizing?

Just a little wish of mine.

Wanted: Followers

Okay, now that I'm kind of on a roll with this blog-posting thing, I'm ready to go invite some people to read it. When I look at my page, it's so pathetic that I have only two "followers" listed. One is my husband, who, I promise you, has completely forgotten this blog. And the other is my daughter who is waaaaay too busy to follow me. She is a business executive with a husband and five children!

So I have been just happily typing along here in total obscurity. It's kind of nice and I would go on like this forever, except....

1) Well, I guess I am pretty bored here all by my lonesome

2) Maybe I can encourage someone

3) Maybe someone could encourage me!

4) I need to be brave.

So....I think I'll just put my big toe in the water first. I'll put a link to this on my Facebook profile. Aaaand....include the link on my signature when I comment on other people's blogs. I guess that means I really need to start commenting on other people's blogs, haha.

Alrighty then. Here goes...

Don't Look Down

Went to get my haircut today. Which means I got to spend time with my brother :) Love him. (and my sis but we'll talk about her preciousness another time)

Anyway, on my way back home, I was listening again to this song that was so important to me last summer. God often speaks to me through songs and this is one of them. A perfect example, really. Joy Whitlock's Don't Look Down really ministered to me and prepared me for the hard thing I was about to face on May 31, 2009, which was my mother moving into my house. She was bedridden and, as we soon found out, had lung cancer.

That was the hard thing I knew was getting ready to happen. I was somewhat prepared for that. I had been working on getting my mind and heart ready as well as getting the house ready for her arrival. But I wasn't prepared so much for the other thing that was going to happen just one day after she moved in. On June 1, 2009 came the second part of the double-whammy. But God knew what was coming. So He encouraged me with this song a couple of weeks before:

This could be your best work yet
Have you got the stomach for this
Come on dig deep
What have you got left to lose

Tragedy is half the fight
Are you willing to lose your life
Come on let it bleed
There’s nothing you can hide from me

‘Cause I know you’ve been here before
I’ve seen your scars
The price it’s too high
What if you fall again
Then I’ll fall too
Straighten up
Eyes ahead
Look for me
You don’t have to be scared
Don’t be scared
Don’t look down

Regret has pierced your heart
Gravity has left its mark
But I’m playing for keeps
Even death can’t do us part

You should hear it. Just lyrics on a page don't do it justice, of course. The way she sings it. So insistent. So passionate. It's a great, great song. Love it.

So I was listening to this again today (first time in awhile) and it seems to have significance all over again. Last summer I thought it was just to help me get through the arduous job of taking care of my mother as she was dying.

But, as it turned out, it was also meant to help me as I processed the revelation from my son that he is gay. Which hit me hard. Now there is an understatement if there ever was one. I thought my daughter's divorce and the subsequent church fallout was hard! But this one really took me down to my knees. Literally.

At various times throughout the day for the first couple of weeks, I would fall to my knees and raise my hands toward heaven and declare, out loud:

My eyes are on you, Lord.

My life is in Your hands.

Mom's life is in Your hands.

Daniel's life is in your hands.

That's what got me through. The truth of that. I fully believed, and still do, that that is fact. And worship. I'm a worshiper. Worshiping God is like medicine. My therapy. My joy. Joy in the midst of sadness, it was. And is.

So...have I got the stomach for this? For writing publicly about my feelings and beliefs about the church's abysmal response to and handling of gay people? (and other controversial topics)

What have I got left to lose? Umm, well you mean besides my job and my conservative friends, Lord? haha

What if I fall again? I love this part of the song--the reply Joy Whitlock has God giving to this question is a beautiful, biblical one:

Then I'll fall too.

He promises to never leave me or forsake me. To be with me always. So if I fall, He is with me still. And with Him, I can handle whatever.