So on February 19, my very ultra-right-wing-conservative sister-in-law chose to post on her Facebook an anti-gay video. That's right. Even though she was "friends" with me and Daniel. Also Sarah and her husband, who are very anti, anti-gay, and anti ultra-right-wing conservatives.
You can imagine the ruckus.
I was completely oblivious when it happened. I was teaching (and therefore not checking FB) and then I met Rachel in Lexington to celebrate her birthday. She and I were siting in a movie when Daniel sent me a text...something about "Aunt Diane is going crazy again" which I immediately understood to mean that she was again posting something controversial. Oh boy, I thought, and suspected it had something to do with homosexuality since Daniel took the time to bring it up to me. I felt a pang of dread but texted back that I was in the movie theater with Rachel. He said something about Sarah and Zack being hot. Yikes. But I was determined that Rachel's night would not be ruined by the likes of dear auntie D.
So on our way back from Lexington I started receiving frantic messages of apology from Aunt D. "I'm so sorry, I've upset your kids" and yada yada yada. SIGH.
I always want to keep the peace. Or avoid controversy. Or both. Regardless, I knew we were in a mess. And here I had been minding my own business! Why, oh why can't people shut the you know what UP?
This was not the first time Aunt D and I butted heads. But ....stories for another day.
So by the time I got home I had received three of these desperate sorry notes. I still did not know any details, except that she had said that she had posted "a video dispelling myths of homosexuality." I wished I could grab her throat and ask her why in the world would she do such a thing since I knew that she knew that my son, her nephew and FB friend, was gay! But I wrote back something like "I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt us." And I still believe that she was totally ignorant of what she was doing.
But that's no excuse, you know?
The next morning I had received yet another, longer letter of apology. Along with a lot of excuses and justifications for what she had done. "I just can't not share my opinion and it's been my downfall at times."
Grrrr.
Then I talked to Sarah.
Sarah and Zack are very opinionated also. However, they know that there is a time and a place to share your views. And there's a way to do it without being mean and nasty and uncivilized.
Also, Sarah has been through a lot herself. She has gone through a divorce, which used to be more controversial than it is now in Christian circles. But still, it was a cataclysmic event for us in our home church of 18 years. But ..... another story for another time.
Sarah saw this post of Aunt D's and became unglued. She told me that she had not been that hurt and upset since her divorce. Daniel saw it. He wrote to Aunt D-- a private FB message saying that he loved her but he would be removing her from his FB. Aunt D responded by writing a very public message, on her FB WALL saying.... I don't even remember what Sarah told me. But not nice. So that set off a FB wall war between Aunt D and, I think, mainly Zack. Who is very bold and very well able to convey his educated views. As Aunt D told me in her pseudo-apology letter: "They let me have it."
Good!
After my conversation with Sarah, I knew it would be very difficult to be neutral in the matter. Some things can't be avoided, you know? She went onto this supposed "Christian" end-times website where Aunt D had copied and pasted this hateful video. She went on the forum where Aunt D went to lick her wounds. She claimed that she was being persecuted!!! "I can't believe the level of hate, and from family," she wrote.
Unbelievable.
Well. I'm not sure I can put into words just how painful this whole episode was. And just when I was feeling like my own wounds were a bit less bloody. You know, from the summer when Daniel told me he was gay.
So a few days later, I just couldn't take it anymore. Seeing her FB status updates. Her never-ending opinions. Plus, she clearly didn't have a clue about how much she had hurt us, whether she did it in ignorance or not. So I wrote her a very carefully worded, kind, loving message saying that I would always love and pray for her and her family, but it was too painful to see her on FB. And that harm had indeed been done, more than I'm sure she realized.
She wrote back, saying that's fine but "I wish I had the chance to explain, or even apologize."
Say what? She had sent me no less than 6-7 letters of apology and "explanation."
Anyway, that's the last communication we've had.
Sadly, Aunt D represents too large a part of the "Christian" population in the U.S. It is very, very desperately WRONG.
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