Bothering me....what an understatement.
Okay, no more lollygagging (love that word). I've had something gnawing at me for over a year and I just haven't known how to address it in a forum such as this. I've thought about writing a blog specifically on the subject. I've thought about writing a book. Making a speech (not really) but mostly I've just been suffering inside. See, my son told me on June 1st, 2009 that he is gay, and that revelation/confession had been my worst fear. Yep, for at least 20 years. You can't imagine how it feels to realize your worst fear is reality. But I smiled at him, put my arm around him, looked him in the eyes and told him "There is nothing you can ever say, or do, or be that will make me stop loving you." And I meant it. Of course. But then I dropped him off at the airport (he was headed back to Omaha, where he had moved several weeks before) and I wept all the way home. Sobbed. Loudly. The week that followed was probably the hardest of my whole life.
So I've done everything except come here to write about it. And since it's been fifteen months, thirteen days and about an hour since that night....I'll give this a go.
sigh
Okay, where to begin? No, I'm not even going to go there. Thinking I have to begin at the perfect beginning and write ev-er-y-thing in between just wears me out and makes me want to give up already. I'll just start somewhere....and in time things will fall into place. Or not. But at least I won't just be sitting around doing nada while time goes by.
Let's start with today and work back, how bout that? Okay so today my son crossed my mind probably twenty times. And I had my unwanted minimum daily ration of gay innuendo. I'm serious, it apparently cannot be avoided. And, of all places, in a setting I felt certain I could call a no gay wisecrack zone --my elementary classroom. Third grade for crying out loud! But, in all fairness, I believe this was completely innocent. However, one male student was singing the little ditty: so and so and so in so, sittin in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes so in so with a baby carriage. But he was singing it about two fellow male classmates. I kid you not. Couldn't believe my ears. But I don't know why I'm surprised anymore. It honestly happens every.single.dang.day.
So you can get a feel for what's bothering me, right? You see where I'm goin with this?
Alrighty then.
So where do I, a Bible-believing, God-loving, conservative Christian stand on this issue? Well, first of all, I have lost much of my conservatism in the past year. I was already in transition regarding my political persuasion. And my religious beliefs have been in re-evaluation mode since 2005, when my oldest daughter divorced and in the process was frozen out of our home church of eighteen years. By frozen out I mean people who had once been warm, welcoming and affirming turned cold on us. That will rock your world in an unpositive way. But I digress. Here is where I stand on the gay issue as of today, September 13, 2010. I'm in agreement with Tony Campolo. I like Tony Campolo. Read his opinion here:
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