I've been sick for more than a week now, sitting like a zombie for days. So, I'm taking this opportunity to tackle the task of beginning my book. Or, rather, continuing a story that I've been unceremoniously catapulted into.
I started writing it about six years ago because of the response I was witnessing by the church to gay people. I was often saddened and, at times, horrified, by the utter lack of empathy and love from people who are supposed to be filled with God's love and compassion.
Well, just like so many things I start, I just let it sit there.....
....and sit....
and.........Sit.
Until now. Now it's even more personal. Before, it was my brother. Some cousins. And then a son of a dear friend.
I didn't have enough gumption, or desire...until my son so vulnerably and fearfully looked me in my eyes eighteen months ago and uttered the words I'd dreaded hearing: "I'm gay."
I think surely he wasn't afraid that I would reject him. Never would I do that. Never could I do that. He should know I love him unconditionally but he couldn't really anticipate what my reaction would be. How scary for him. Thankfully, I must say I think I handled it perfectly. That particular moment, I mean.
(Confession. I'm ashamed to admit this but when I found out my friend's son was gay, my immediate, gut-reaction was a rejoicing in my soul that it wasn't my son. We are told to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Oh, I did feel sad for them, but more than that I felt happy and relieved for me and my boy.)
Those words, from your child, will shake you to the core. Take you from comfort, security, and oblivion and hurl you into another dimension. Everything is different now.
I no longer have the luxury of avoidance.
For the past year and a half I have been hanging on for dear life to the promises of God. To His mercy. Seeking His wisdom. Researching every perspective. (Ignorance is not bliss) Allowing God to break me from the inside out.
And praying and weeping and begging for insight into this most vexing issue of modern life. And dealing with hurt, grief, and gay jokes from people who probably mean no harm. But, please, I'd much prefer a literal kick in the stomach.
No, it cannot be avoided any longer. Besides, have you noticed? It's ev-er-y-where. Gay marriage debates from both sides. Young boys taking their own lives because of vicious bullies' words and actions. You cannot watch television or get on the internet or even walk by a magazine stand at Wal-mart without being confronted with the issue.
And so, church, what are we going to do about it?
Will we love these precious ones Jesus died for? Or will we continue to ignore, side-step, pretend we didn't hear, pretend we didn't see, pretend we don't know that around us are kids struggling with their sexuality. Kids in our churches.
I know your objection: "But if we are nice to them, they'll think we think it's okay." So, in an effort to avoid discomfort we claim that that wouldn't be loving. So we ignore them. Too many times we actually shun them.
Jesus did not operate that way. He did not shame people. He did not use disapproval to bring about repentance. Yes, I hear your other objection: Jesus said hard things to people. He spoke the truth and many people didn't like it. And who were the people that didn't like what He had to say? Answer: the religious people of His day. The self-righteous religious crowd was the only group of people he had harsh words for.
What if it's your child? You wouldn't know because of course they are not going to tell you. They dare not even hint at such a thing. So they suffer in silence. They want what we all want. Love and acceptance. To not be alone. And they want a relationship with God. But they're being raised in an environment where homosexuality is at times being called out from the pulpit as being the single most abominable sin imaginable.
It's not.
If not outright condemnation, they are hearing ridicule towards gay people. Derisive comments and belittling gay jokes being told amongst their Christian friends. And the message, of course, is that God hates them.
This is not true!
Can you imagine the fear, confusion and agony?
Please, let's be brave and use our brains and our hearts and our time to communicate unconditional love to them. At the very least, when you hear the gay slur or joke, speak up and point out how unloving it is. You don't know who is listening.
If we don't love them, they will leave and search for acceptance elsewhere.
And they will find it.
This is not what God wants.
