A Sad

I've been ridiculously negligent of my blog. But something happened recently that begs expression. My only hesitation is that I do not want to, ironically, "out" the offenders. In these days of social media, the only way to be entirely discrete and, therefore, kind, is to never tell anything, either verbally or in writing.

But. I think sometimes it is not in the best interest of everyone to keep everything hidden and covered up. However, I will refrain from using real names and places.

Last month my son returned home to attend the wedding of one of his best childhood friends. His original intent was to attend two weddings, for his other best childhood friend, his oldest childhood friend, happened to be getting married the very same day. One was in early afternoon, the other evening, so that worked out perfectly; he could go to both.

Except.....only one friend was accepting of the fact that he is gay and wanted to bring his boyfriend.

This other friend--a friend, mind you, whose house was his second home--whose family he vacationed with--who he had been very close friends with since age TWO--who was raised in the same church, same children's church, same youth group, same everything--this friend had an altogether different reaction. And it is a very sad story.

Approximately two months prior to the scheduled wedding, Daniel texted (or in a Facebook chat) this friend's fiance' (who was also a close youth group friend) and asked if he could bring L. He frankly stated that he would understand if they did not feel comfortable with it. He said he used to be there (this particular church--the church in which he was raised since the age of 7 weeks) and that he understood how it is and that it might be weird, and that's okay.

He received no response, no response whatsoever. Just silence. And to this day I know of no response.

He tried at first to play it off like it was no big deal. But then as the day approached, it was clear that he was stunned and kept expecting them to contact him. He texted the sister (also former youth group leader) to get the address of the bride. He told me that he could have gotten the address easily through another channel but he wanted to see what she would say. He wanted to talk about it. She feigned total surprise, said she had no idea he had asked that. That is simply not believable. Not knowing these people who are all so tightly connected that almost nothing is secret.

Daniel ordered and had a nice wedding gift delivered.

Still nothing but silence.

As it turned out, Daniel drove home alone because L had to work. He posted on his Facebook wall that he was driving home "all by my lonesome" but still.....

Silence.

I know he was still hoping....hoping they would contact him. But, no.

I talked to him on the phone during his long drive, and he cried. He still just couldn't believe it. His best childhood friend. What the heck? He was really devastated.

Clearly, he honestly, truly believed that these people really loved him. Unconditionally. After all, even though their initial reaction after his coming out was predictable, over time they seemed like they were trying to treat him with unconditional love.

But nothing brings out peoples' true colors like a wedding, I guess.

So Daniel spent the night with his other friend and was there for all her wedding festivities. Was the life of the party afterwards. Everyone loves Daniel.

Well, everyone except his best childhood friend and his church "family".

How pitiful is that?! Christians. Supposedly. The people who are supposed to reflect the love of Jesus. Sadly, I'm not at all surprised. This kind of thing happens all the time. To people everywhere. Which is why I really want to write a book. A book from the point of view of a mother, and a Christian.

So back to the story. After the wedding, Daniel met some friends who attended the other wedding--the wedding Daniel was obviously not welcome at after all. In fact, one was a best man. Daniel, these two guys, and the best friend had all been very close at one time. Before. And these two guys have been good friends to Daniel since. They listened to him as he wept....and one drove him home because Daniel, who normally doesn't drink much, had had way too much. And was sick. Physically sick as well as heartsick.

The next day, he cried whenever he talked about it.

I told him, several times, Daniel, I don't know what to say except they were wrong. They handled it completely wrong, and one day they will look back and be ashamed and sad that they treated you so badly.

To not even give him an answer! No response at all!! How could someone do that? First of all, it is completely rude to do that even to a stranger. Or to a casual friend. But to your best childhood friend?!

Now I have to forgive these people all over again. They were the same ones that hurt Sarah so terribly six years ago. That took me literally years to get over. Well, I'm probably not entirely over it. I've forgiven but when someone hurts your child like that, it is a very difficult hurt to get past. Now....here we go again.

Every time I go into town I pray for God to help me in case I see one of them. One of the horrors of living in a small town.